Quick Reminder Of The Time OJ Simpson Sent Love Letters To Kris Jenner From Prison

if i did it

DailymailKris Jenner has denied lurid claims that OJ Simpson is sending her love letters as he attempts to woo her from being bars in Nevada.

The Kardashian’s matriarch, Kris, 58, has reportedly described O.J.’s letters as her ‘worst nightmare’.

Indeed, despite her former husband Robert Kardashian’s friendship with O.J., it is claimed that the former footballer has become fixated with Kris during the six years he has spent behind bars in Nevada since his 2008 robbery conviction.

Repeated attempts by Mail Online to get comment from Ms Jenner’s representative and Mr. Simpson’s were not returned.

‘O.J.’s desperate for face time with Kris and has been laying it on thick in his letters, telling her how beautiful he thinks she is and what wonderful memories he has of their time together,’ revealed an insider to The National Enquirer.

I’ve actually blogged about OJ’s long-form prison sexting before but based on last night’s first episode of The People vs. OJ Simpson I felt it appropriate to bring it up again. Plus, a lot of people probably don’t know that The Juice is Khloe’s father Kris Jenner and OJ almost certainly were banging each other on the side.

But anyways, OJ trying to rekindle the old flame with Kris Jenner is fantastic. Not enough bad things can happen to Kris Jenner. You want fame and fortune for doing absolutely nothing? Then you’re going to also have to deal with love letters from murderers memorabilia thieves in prison. If you want to get rich off your daughter’s sex tape then you better be prepared to have OJ spill his juice thinking of you and your family. That’s just the trade off you have to live with. These two would make a perfect power couple too. Just absolutely ruthless together. Then someday OJ would come home and murder Kris, escape in a white G-Wagon driven by Kanye West and it would be the best day in the history of the internet. Make it happen Juice, make it happen.

– Ballgame

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Is Shitting Your Pants A Legitimate Excuse For Stealing Groceries? We Head To A Florida Publix To Find Out…

Florida (of course)On Friday, Jan. 29, Publix workers saw Paula Jay Ernst, 51, selecting items and putting them in her shopping cart at the Public located at 14371 Spring Hill Drive.

She then allegedly took the groceries from her shopping cart and put them into reusable Publix shopping bags, which she had brought with her.

Hernando County Sheriff’s Office detectives say Ernst walked out of the store without paying for the groceries. The incident was recorded by surveillance cameras.

Publix employees wrote down Ernst’s license plate number. She was then contacted at her home by telephone and agreed to return to the store.

After she was arrested, Ernst told deputies she did not mean to steal the items and walked out of the store because she had defecated in her pants, according to an arrest affidavit.

I have a couple questions that I’d like answered before I can make a determination on the legitimacy of this woman’s excuse:

1) How common is people shitting their pants in the grocery store in Florida? Between all of the old people down there and the meth addicts and the general Florida population wouldn’t you think that ‘shit happens’ in Florida Publix stores all the time? Like is this even a unique situation?

and

2) Can our perp prove she pooped?

If dumping in your pants in public in Florida is a common occurrence (which I suspect it is) then pooping your pants while shopping at Publix is not an excuse to shoplift. If everyone’s used to this happening then there’s no need to hit the panic button. You probably just raise your hand for an employee and they show up and give a new meaning to ‘clean up on aisle 2’.

HOWEVER, if shitting your pants is not something that happens all the time in Florida Publix stores (again, I think it does) then I’m going to let this slide if she can prove she pooped. I can’t think of a more vulnerable situation I’ve ever been in than the time(s) I’ve sharted in public nevermind full on dumped my pants. You start sweating, looking around, trying to plan an escape/clean up. All logic and reason goes out the window. One second you’re asking the clerk if a toothbrush is approved by the American Dental Association an the next second you’ve sharted and you’re running out the door without paying. It just happens. So until I can find out the answers to these initial questions I’m going to declare this woman innocent until proven otherwise.

– Ballgame

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The 10 Levels Of Anger

So yesterday I had to go to another office that’s like an hour away from where I usually go. Obviously coming home from said office I was stuck in traffic and it took me about an hour and a half to get home. While I was stuck in traffic I had the realization that if I could ever kill somebody, like actually take another human’s life, it would be when I’m stuck in traffic trying to get home from work. Nothing gets me more enraged than that. So here’s the Levels of Anger list according to Ballgame:

(1 = not that angry, 10 = most angry)

1. A screwed up food delivery order – These people have one job – write down what you say to them. Not only that, but if they screw up you can’t do anything about it because the delivery guy has already driven his 94′ Civic three blocks away. Luckily ordering food online has made this problem largely obsolete.

2. Getting “Moose’d” on a bet – When you get completely screwed out of winning your bet. A bad beat. Ohio State/Northwestern, Duke/Cincy, The Michigan/Penn state first half under this past Saturday (three at the buzzer to go over). I think most people reading this know what I’m talking about.

3. Your favorite sports team losing – I initially thought this would be higher but the more I thought about it the more I realized I’m never really angry afterwards. When the Pats lost to the Broncos a couple weeks ago I was mad for sure, but it was a lot more sadness and disappointment. Maybe that’s just how I take defeat.

4. Stubbing your toe, banging your knee on the coffee table, cutting/biting your fingernail too low – I included these all as one because they all involved avoidable excruciating pain. I don’t want to hear any chicks tell me pregnancy is bad. Trying banging your knee on the coffee table and stubbing your toe when you stand up while having a fingernail too short. This is pain/anger/frustration/wanting to kill yourself all in one.

5. Shitty waitresses – Anybody who spends time in bars can sympathize with me here. As Belichick would say “Do. Your. Job.”. And that’s all I ask. Come by like every 15-20 mins. I chose a table because I don’t want to stand in a crowded bar and fight to be served. I didn’t chose a table to sit for 40 minutes with an empty Bud Light in front of me.

6. Going to work hungover – Basically every Monday, especially in the fall. All you want to do is sleep but you have to wake up and go walk through the gates of hell otherwise known as your office with a hangover. I’ve considered purposely getting in a car accident on the way to work before because that’s how bad I didn’t want to go there. I think that’s a good line of demarcation for cube monkeys – the day you consider purposely getting in a car accident to miss work is when corporate America has officially stolen your will to live.

7. Office Jargon/Asshole office sayings – Case of the Monday’s, it’s hump day!!!, ping, circle back, touch base, table that, synergy, PTO (Paid time off), CPA (Cell phone accessible), reach out, being “online”, taking things “offline”, best practices, out of pocket, rock star…and on and on and on. I HATE work jargon. Especially “ping” and “out of pocket”. If I hear somebody say ping and the context isn’t the golf company my blood boils. Same with out of pocket. Stupidest fucking phrase ever. I’m legit getting mad writing this.

8. Internet being out at your house – One of the most frustrating things in the world. And nobody ever has any idea why it goes out. It just happens out of nowhere. Then you gotta start unplugging things and plugging them back in and then it STILL doesn’t work. All I want is my internet to work. So fucking frustrating.

9. Catching your significant other cheating on you – This has never happened to me in real life so I’m basing this strictly off of tv and movies to give it a rating this high. That and people murdering people in real life when they find out their bf/gf is sleeping around. Personally, I’ve always been of the thought that I’d just be like “Welp, ok, C ya!” if I caught my gf banging some other dude. But then again, I’ve never experienced this. Also, why do people always want to fight the guy they catch with their gf? I mean it’s kinda like a credit where credit is due situation towards the guy I think. Murder your gf, not the random guy she banged.

10. Getting stuck in traffic on the way home from work – This is the top of the mountain. The “I will do something so irrational and unreasonable because that’s how much rage I have” level of anger. It inspired this list. The traffic is stopping you going from your hated place to your happy place. A literal wall to your happiness. If you ever read in the paper that I murdered somebody, you’ll now know where it happened and why.

If you have any other ones that should have been in the levels of anger put them in the comments.

– Ballgame

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Apparently All We Need To Do To Stay Healthy Is Eat Chik-Fil-A Grilled Nuggets All Day Every Day

WFSBATLANTA (CBS46) – It’s being called the Chick-fil-A Diet.

On the side of the restaurant’s bag, they offer ideas “for healthier living.”

One of those tips says,”Kick of the New Year by adding one healthy habit to your routine. Here’s a good one: Eat smaller meals (like an 8-count pack of grilled nuggets) every three to four hours.”

My name is Ballgame. I’m 29 years old. And I’m an addict. But that’s not my problem. My problem is that I cannot fulfill my addiction due to the lack of Chik-Fil-A’s in the greater Boston area. I’m in a constant state of withdrawal and as it turns out based on the above ‘diet’ it’s actually making me even more unhealthy than I already am. I get Chik-Fil-A cravings only a pregnant woman could even begin to understand. Granted I’m not exactly the grilled chicken type but if I could do shots of Chik-Fil-A sauce with it I’m sure I could handle grilled over breaded. Plus, according to this Chik-Fil-A bag going grilled would keep me looking hot so I could make a sacrifice for that. Chik-Fil-A needs a massive expansion into Massachusetts ASAP so I can continue to feed my addiction and get better looking at the same time.

This reminds me of the documentary Supersize Me where the guy eats McDonald’s every meal for a full month. That movie’s always pissed the hell out of me. Of course that guy’s body shut down when he ate McDonald’s every day, he wasn’t built for it. He ate healthy, worked out, was like 40 years old. He can’t handle the McDonald’s grind for 30 straight days. I could have done the McDonald’s challenge in college in a heartbeat (assuming it kept beating). I’d attempt it now too and put my life on the line because that’s how much of a thorn it’s been in my side all these years. It’s all about physical and mental preparation. No better example than this than my good friend Don Gorske, Big Mac Enthusiast:

– Ballgame

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A Local NAACP President Is In Trouble For Telling A Reporter “Nice Tits”…Issues An Incredible Non-Apology

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IndependentA civil rights leader who spoke out against the use of a racial epithet has landed at the centre of a fresh controversy after he made inappropriate remarks about a female reporter.

Don Harris, president a local chapter of the National Association for the Advancement of Coloured People (NAACP) held a press conference to condemn six Arizona schoolgirls who had spelled out the “N word” with their t-shirts.

But as he left the event in Phoenix, Mr Harris was caught on camera saying to a local reporter: “Nice t***”.

Yes, that old white man is the Arizona National Association for the Advancement of Colored People president. Like everyone reading this I was wondering why the hell this 77 year old white guy is running a chapter of the NAACP. Well then I found out why when he went to apologize for his compliment…

“I apologise if anyone was offended. I could have said nothing . . . I’m really f***ing sorry,” he told the Phoenix New Times.

“I’m going to slash my wrists. Better yet, I’m going to throw myself out of a f***ing window, except that I’m on the first floor…I’m one of the best goddamned people in the state.”

KING KONG AIN’T GOT SHIT ON DON HARRIS. Total wildcard. This is a guy you can follow into battle. This is a guy who isn’t going to stop fighting for his cause no matter how many well endowed reporters try to stop him. You want Don Harris to apologize? You want him to kill himself in a number of different ways? Too bad. He’s one of the best Goddamned people in Arizona and he’s not going to throw himself out of a window until people are no longer judged by the color of their skin but by the content of their character. It doesn’t matter that he’s a white president of the NAACP, he’s a leader of men. If only Obama had the grapefruits of Don Harris we wouldn’t have dealt with non-stop college protests all fall and race would essentially cease to exist.

#TrumpHarris2016

– Ballgame

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UNLV Looking To Build New Billion Dollar Football Stadium…Raiders Interested In Moving To Vegas

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When you hit on 17 and take Marky’s card

ReviewJournalCasino giant Las Vegas Sands Corp. is leading a consortium of investors that is proposing to build a $1 billion domed stadium on 42 acres near the University of Nevada, Las Vegas that would be home to school’s football team — and possibly a National Football League franchise.

Andy Abboud, Las Vegas Sands’ senior vice president of government relations and community development said Thursday Las Vegas needs a modern stadium with at least 65,000 seats to drive additional tourism to Southern Nevada.

Mark Davis, owner of the Oakland Raiders, is scheduled to meet with Las Vegas Sands Chairman and CEO Sheldon Adelson on Friday, possibly to discuss stadium details. A potential move by the Raiders to Los Angeles earlier this month was rejected by the NFL. Abboud said Las Vegas Sands has had conversations with officials from other NFL teams as well.

That sound you’re hearing is PF Chang’s owners in Las Vegas dancing in the streets at the thought of Mark Davis coming to town. In all seriousness though, I love this idea and there’s no better team to move to Vegas than the Raiders. The Raiders fan base won’t change one iota.

But it’s about time pro sports came to Vegas. An NHL team is on the way, why not bring an NFL team to the town that’s so responsible for the league’s success? Like many people on the internet I’m a big proponent of building an awesome stadium in Vegas and holding the Superbowl there every year. It’s the perfect place for the Superbowl. Now if a billion dollar stadium gets built to be the home of UNLV and the Raiders that becomes a possibility. Put BCS bowl games there too. Final Fours. The possibilities are endless. Now obviously Goodell is going to try to stop this but if the powers that be can put enough money in front of Goodell’s highly punchable face this will happen. Now it’s all on the shoulders of casino owner and Dorchester native Sheldon Adelson to make it happen. Let’s pray it does.

– Ballgame

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Everything’s Coming Up #FingersInTheBootyAssBitch! ‘Man Van’ In Edmonton Stops For On The Go Prostate Tests

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GlobalnewsEDMONTON — The Prostate Cancer Centre’s Man Van made a pit stop in Edmonton Tuesday in hopes of encouraging more men to get tested for prostate cancer.

The Man Van was set up inside the Edmonton Expo Centre during Farm Tech, a crop production and farm management conference.

Those with the Man Van say they go where men go and it’s all about making health care easy and accessible.

“We have hundreds of men here today and we all know men are notoriously bad for going and getting regular check-ups. If it’s not broken or if it’s not bleeding we don’t go,” Ken Rabb with the Prostate Cancer Centre said.

HUGE day for guys getting fingered. This afternoon everyone was crushing Kanye for #FingersInTheBootyAssBitch while the guys in the Man Van were probably slow clapping for Yeezy up and down the streets of Edmonton. Apparently the Man Van just does blood tests, no butt stuff on the side of the street. But at the same time it’s a good reminder that sometimes when a man gets older #FingersInTheBootyAssBitch are no longer a kinky pleasure that gets you destroyed on Twitter but a procedure that can actually save your life. Laughing at Kanye is funny but let’s not lose sight of whats important – that after a certain age if you don’t get a finger in the butthole every once in awhile you may not live long enough to see the next great Twitter beef and I’d hate to see that happen to anyone.

– Ballgame

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Shaq Is Openly Admitting That LSU Paid Him And Paid Him Well

SIShaquille O’Neal says that he was paid while playing basketball at LSU, according to Mike Bresnahan of The Los Angeles Times.

O’Neal’s oldest son, Shareef, is currently being recruited by colleges, and the former NBA star recently opened up about his own college experience.

“Yes, they paid very well,” O’Neal said. “Statute of limitations is up. I can talk about it…That’s right baby, LSU.”

O’Neal was laughing as he made the comment.

Neon…he didn’t want anything. He didn’t ask for anything. He wasn’t for sale. But we got it for him. Big difference here being that I’m almost positive real life Shaq was indeed for sale and LSU happen to be the highest bidder. Probably even got him the fully loaded Lexus!

I know Shaq was probably trying to play this off like he was joking at the end but there is no chance he wasn’t actually paid very well at LSU. I’m surprised more guys haven’t come out with stories of getting paid after their playing days are over. Maybe they’re just that loyal to their former coaches and schools? Or maybe one of their fathers is still using the tractor he got 20 years ago. But if they could ever round up a big group of well known guys to tell their stories of getting paid off it’d be the best tell-all book and/or documentary of all time. I’d kill to hear about this stuff. What college sports fan wouldn’t pay for that? It’ll never happen because I think guys do want to protect former coaches and their own reputations and when you’re about to win the Superbowl, why deal with that media shit storm?

– Ballgame

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One Of The Biggest Bull Semen Heists Of Our Generation Went Down In California Over The Weekend

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Grade A, Top Choice bull cum

FoxTURLOCK, Calif. — Officials say thieves in Turlock, Calif., stole several tanks filled with thousands of dollars worth of bull semen out of a truck Sunday night.

According to CBS13, the semen, which was selected because of its genetic value, was worth nearly $50,000.

“The genetics that these bulls have in them is out of the top 1 percent of the world population,” farm owner, John Azevedo, told CBS13.

The bulls’ semen is collected a few times a week and is then shipped all over the world to be used for impregnating cattle.

Most people probably don’t know this but slingin’ bull semen ain’t no joke. My guess is these guys are pros. You don’t just target a truck carrying the cum of the top 1 percent of bulls in the world without spending most of your time around bull jizz. This is the Dominic Toretto of the stealin’ semen world we’re dealing with here. Best of luck to the authorities, they’re going to need it.

Seeing a story like this can’t help but remind me of my favorite bull stud of all time, Toy Story (RIP). The term ‘legend’ gets thrown a lot nowadays. It’s kind of lost it’s luster. But Toystory was a true legend. The “heroes get remembered but legends never die” type of legend. He holds every record in the book. Meaner than a snake. The ultimate alpha male. Toy Story sired over 500,000 kids. He produced 2.4 million units of sperm over the course of his career. That’s gotta be like having 2,000 career home runs. Over 1,000 TD passes. Just absolutely unheard of numbers. And as far as I can tell he did it clean. He just had a libido that only Michael Jordan’s competitiveness could come close to matching. At this point it’s hard to believe that we haven’t all eaten a piece of one of Toystory’s kids. If just a tiny, tiny, tiny amount of Toystory has been passed on to me as a result than I’m a more confident man today than I’ve ever been before. Fortunately Toystory’s up in that big barn in the sky getting jerked off every day so his batter can’t be tainted by these thieves. I hope they find these cum barons, not for me or for you but for Toystory.

– Ballgame

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It’s Officially Winter In Boston: Guy Shot In Argument Over Space Saver

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NECNPolice in Boston are on the scene of a shooting that witnesses said occurred due to a parking space saver.

Witnesses told necn the incident occurred when a man moved a space saver and parked his car.
Fire Restarts at Treatment Plant in Quincy, Massachusetts

When the man who originally parked in the spot returned, he opened fire, they said.

The victim, a 34-year-old man, is suffering from non-life threatening injuries, according to police. The shooting happened just after 2:30 p.m. at 69 Nightingale St. in the Dorchester section of the city.

Much like how it isn’t summer until somebody reports a Great White off the Cape, it isn’t winter until somebody gets shot over a space saver. I hate space savers with a passion. You know how some guys get beer muscles? Space saver muscles are like that times 1000. You might as well assume that every parking space with a (literal) piece of garbage in it is owned by Abram from Road Rules/The Challenges because that’s how that person is going to act when they see someone else in “their” spot. Even right now when there’s barely any snow people jump at a free chance to save a parking spot. It’s chaos.

In my expert opinion we only have two options in resolving the space saver problem; either ban them completely or we follow this guy’s lead and shoot space stealers. The two extremes are the only thing that keeps everyone on the same page. As of right now you don’t know if your space saver will get stolen while you’re gone and at the same time you have no idea what could happen to your car if you move the wrong person’s space saver. So eliminate the middle ground. No space savers or a non-life threatening bullet. If you’re a repeat offender it becomes a possibly life threatening bullet. I’d honestly prefer this system over the current one. But until we either get rid of these unwritten rules or institute capital punishment for breaking said rules we’ll all continue to live with parking anxiety every winter.

– Ballgame

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