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If You Had The Foresight To Do So, You Could Have Quit Your Job And Become Rich Off Of Boston College Unders

This has started trickling out this week but I think it’s still kind of flying under the radar. BC is historically bad offensively in both of it’s gambling sports. Like, setting records at how bad offensively they are. BC football’s o/u record was 2-10. Their hoops o/u record right now is 6-17. It’s realistic to say that if you had the foresight to do so you could make a living, a really good living, blindly betting BC unders. For those one or two of you that read my short lived blog Saturdays On The Couch, you know I was in fact betting the under in every single BC football game this season. It was awesome having an auto-win every Saturday. What I didn’t do was continue that with BC basketball. Hindsight’s always 20/20 when it comes to betting on sports.

Now I know what you’re thinking, why not just jump on the BC under bandwagon now for their last few games? Well, you risk getting in too late after books have made adjustments. However, in the case of BC football they couldn’t adjust enough. The totals they were posting for BC football were some of the lowest in the history of college football and they still weren’t low enough. So maybe the same thing is happening in basketball? I really can’t tell. But it is incredibly frustrating to find out about free money after the fact especially when I snuffed it out in football at the beginning of the season. That and whenever I can take a cheap shot at BC I’m going to take it.

BC plays at home against G Tech tomorrow at noon. There’s no line out yet but I’ll be testing my luck with the under no matter what it is. My advice to you? Take the over. If anybody can kill a golden goose it’s me.

– Ballgame

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Turns Out Ben Carson’s Aides Have Just Been Running A Scam To Make Money For Themselves

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The AtlanticFor months, reporters and political operatives (including me) have been pointing out that Ben Carson’s campaign bears many of the hallmarks of a political scam operation. Now Carson seems to agree. On CNN on Tuesday, Carson discussed his year-end staff shake-up:

“We had people who didn’t really seem to understand finances,” a laughing Carson told CNN’s Poppy Harlow on “CNN Newsroom,” adding, “or maybe they did—maybe they were doing it on purpose.”

It’s a remarkable statement—especially because he’s so blithe about it.

That’s because Team Carson has been plowing a huge portion of the money it raises back into fundraising, using costly direct-mail and telemarketing tactics. Pretty much every campaign uses those tools, but the extent to which Carson was using it raised eyebrows around politics. First, many of the companies being paid millions and millions of dollars are run by top campaign officials or their friends and relations, meaning those people are making a mint. Second, many of the contributions are coming from small-dollar donors. If that money is being given by well-meaning grassroots conservatives for a campaign that’s designed not to win but to produce revenue for venders, isn’t it just a grift?

I have a question; are any of the people Ben Carson operated on still alive? Are their brains actually still intact? I’ll give someone all of my money (HIGH three figures) if they can find a functioning brain that Ben Carson has touched (including his own). It seems that in a cruel twist of fate, Ben Carson – a brain surgeon – has lost his mind. Now that I think about it, are we even sure he’s really a brain surgeon and not like a pediatrist? Hell, George could have been a pediatrist. At least for Benny here Roger Goodell will have a job lined up for him to investigate CTE after this failed presidential bid. Nobody can be this aloof and then just chuckle about it. “Oh those guys that were trying to help me become the President of the United States were actually just stealing people’s money? Oh man, they got me!”.

And so the SNLification of the 2016 Presidential election continues. It is quite entertaining but at the same time a guy who wouldn’t be able to catch a bartender skimming made it to like the final 10 of the presidential race. There should be a simple test to eliminate people right away. Stuff like “can you do basic math?”. Or “would you fire someone you caught stealing from your campaign or just let it slide until the national media figured it out too?”. Really basic stuff here. Now that Carson’s effectively out it’s back to your regularly scheduled programming of candidates barking like dogs, being racist, anti-gay, being investigated by the FBI and one that might die of old age before the election even happens. Only in America!

– Ballgame

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The ‘Hot Dog Hooker’ Of East Rockaway, NY Is Back!

(I highly recommend actually watching this news clip from the first time she was arrested)

NYThe East Rockaway woman remembered as the “Hot Dog Hooker” has angered residents after admitting to placing a pillow on her home’s front lawn advertising lap dances.

“It’s an armrest… It’s just something I wrote. I’ve been here 50 years, my neighbors know me. I’m 50 years old. Nobody has a problem here,” says Cathy Scalia.

But that’s not exactly the case with her neighbor Mak, who says the pillow now rests on his old swing.

“The neighborhood is disgusted. Some of the houses here, they say ‘I can’t sell my house,’” Mak told FiOS1 News.

Resident Karen Decunzo worries her kids will see it. “I don’t know how she keeps getting away with it. It doesn’t make any sense. It should be shut down,” she says.

However Scalia, who prefers to be called the “Hot Dog Honey,” says she’s not asking for money, just donations, and doesn’t see anything wrong with lap dancing, which she equates to belly dancing.

Shakespeare was born to write. Mozart was born to make music. Tiger Woods to bang much more attractive, younger prostitutes than this one golf. And Cathy Scalia, The Hot Dog Hooker of East Rockaway, New York was born to sell snapdogs and only give lap dances, definitely not fuck ;).

You have to respect The Hot Dog Hooker’s persistence. What Johnny Football is to alcohol is what Cathy Scalia is to the hot dog-hooking game. You can tell her to quit as many times as you want, she’s not going to stop (and apparently neither is Johnny). As a hot dog connoisseur I kind of wish she was still slinging dogs in her front yard too but the fact that she’s so dedicated to her craft that now she’s only accepting donations as opposed to charging people warms my heart. Plus, she’s not doing anything wrong. Giving out charity lap dances isn’t a crime in this country. It is possible that single handily bringing down the property values of her neighbor’s houses and stopping them from selling is a crime but maybe these holier than thou individuals should have thought of that before they took away her hot dog truck and relegated her charity offerings to her front yard. So cry me a river. As a guy who has spent an inordinate amount of his adult life both eating hot dogs and getting lap dances I can’t think of a better role model for the future generations of this country. Long live The Hot Dog Hooker.

ps – I’ve spent like 15 minutes thinking about it and as much as I’ve tried to gross myself out, I don’t think I’d have any problem buying a hotdog from a prostitute. When push comes to shove they’re just another street vendor.

– Ballgame

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Jack Edwards Is Going Full Musburger Between Periods Right now

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You ain’t wrong Jack! You just gotta be careful when you go full Musburger nowadays. That’s how you get sent to the SEC Network to die. Now that won’t happen to Jack but it is kinda ballsy to tweet this mid game. Just a couple too many o’s on this tweet. I mean a quick turn from Edwards in the booth and he’d knock Brick over with the Bergy he has in his pants right now. Again, you’re 100% correct Jack, just be careful with your Twitter fingers that’s all I’m saying.

– Ballgame

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Trump Once Told Howard Stern The 80’s Were His “Personal Vietnam”, He’s Lucky He Survived Without An STD

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When you remember that big haired hottie from the night before told you she spent last weekend partying with Magic Johnson

DailymailDonald Trump – who dodged the military draft – said that dating in the Eighties was his own ‘personal Vietnam’.

The Republican presidential candidate told shock jock Howard Stern that he felt ‘lucky’ not to have picked up an STD while sleeping around during the decade.

Trump added that he felt like a ‘great and very brave soldier’ when he appeared on the show in 1997, re-posted this week by Buzzfeed.

I think I’m all in on Trump for real now. Up until this point I’ve just found him incredibly entertaining. A nice change of pace in the normally insufferable election season. But this whole election’s a goddamn circus at this point (in both political parties) so you wanna get nuts? Let’s get nuts! Elect Trump and let all hell break loose. At the very least he’ll keep dropping incredible one-liners like saying sex in the 80’s was his personal Vietnam. Which he isn’t wrong about either. The Clap can sneak up on you like Charlie setting a booby trap, you find HIV in tunnels you shouldn’t be venturing down and even when you know you have to pull out you can’t do it. So cut Trump some slack here, he IS lucky to not have legs made from the same material as the space station.

So this got me thinking; what’s my personal Vietnam? I think it has to be working in cube world. Drafted in out of college all smiles thinking of the glory of making money only to find out it’s hell on earth. The smell of napalm in the morningIndian food being reheated at lunch, the agent orange work jargon that doesn’t effect you at first but slowly kills you over the years. Being left totally traumatized and soulless from the stress corporate America has put on your mind and body. Cube life is my personal Vietnam. Now somebody please either end this war or kill me so I can get out of here.

– Ballgame

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Where Are They Now? The Lawyer Travolta Plays On The OJ Show, Shapiro, Founded A Company Called ShoeDazzle With Kim Kardashian

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WikipediaShoeDazzle is an online fashion subscription service based in El Segundo, California. Each month the company debuts a selection of shoes, handbags, jewelry and provides its members with a showroom curated to their indicated fashion preferences.

This makes PERFECT sense. I knew I was getting a little Woogie from There’s Something About Mary in Travolta here. I was too young to follow the OJ trial at the time so I haven’t been able to really tell if Robert Shapiro is being played correctly but now I know – he 1000% is. I was searching around the internets for some “where are they now” type stuff after watching the OJ show last night (I guess the kids from the opening scene turned out to be famous prostitutes? Didn’t see that coming) and stumbled upon this. I’m sure a lot of it is just Shapiro trying to make a buck but a rich and powerful guy like him can invest in whatever he wants – why not pick something he’s interested in? Sure a lot of this probably stems from Travolta playing him but if the guy has women’s skinsuits in his real life LA mansion it wouldn’t shock me one bit. Oh yah, and he also started Legalzoom.com. So while he may be a super creepy dude with fetishes that would make Chuck Rhoades blush the joke’s still on us:

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ps – Shapiro, Travolta’s a real weirdo am I right????? Definitely nothing to do with you. ALL HIM. Seriously, I’m poor already so lets just let this one slide.

– Ballgame

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Pornhub Doing God’s Work: Raising Money To Save The Whales For Every 2,000 Videos Played

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Seattlepi.comWould you watch porn in order to save whales? Mega website Pornhub hopes so.

Of course, the company wants to save whales. I mean, who doesn’t? Thus, the adult entertainment site’s new charitable campaign: “Pornhub Cares’ Save the Whales”. The company says it will give one cent for every 2,000 videos played across its entire free website, starting on Monday and running to Feb. 29, to Washington’s Moclips Cetological Society in honor of World Whale Day, which is Saturday.

Have YOU done your part to save the whales today? I have! In fact, considering I’m home from work for President’s Day and hungover I might actually save more whales today. If the snow hits us bad tonight and I’m home again tomorrow I might end up freeing Willy by the time I’m finished!

In all seriousness, credit where credit is due here to Pornhub. First for avoiding a cheesy Sperm Whale pun on their site but secondly for donating a ton of money to save the whales. I’m almost positive the whales were saved in the 80’s and 90’s but if Pornhub needs my ‘spurts’ to save more well then so be it. If anything we may run into a whale overpopulation problem due to this Pornhub campaign alone. Even though Pornhub snubbed me for their creative director position a little charity work puts them back in my good graces (that and the endless amount of free porn they provide, that helps too).

– Ballgame

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My Annual Lent Is For Suckers Blog

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Today is Ash Wednesday and thus the return of my annual “Lent is for suckers” blog.

Today millions of people will start and (fail) for the second time since January 1st to fulfill a resolution and “better themselves”. I understand the point behind it is to sacrifice something, but I’m just not buying it. You only get so much time on this earth as it is, not really any point in keeping yourself from something you want for 40 days every year. Christ didn’t give into temptation…but I’m not Christ. And if priests can’t keep themselves from alter boys then I’m sure as hell not staying away from coffee or TV or something absurd. I’ll bite on my temptations every time.

For the fourth year in a row I’m proposing “Reverse Lent”. Do something you wouldn’t normally do because that thing isn’t necessarily good for you. Don’t “better yourself” but indulge more. Or maybe just change your vices. When I say change your vices I’m not suggesting anything crazy like switching from internet porn to magazine porn (which would be a very legitimate Lent sacrifice). I’m talking about switching from drinking beer all the time to only drinking hard alcohol. I’m thinking about instead of dipping I start smoking for the next 40 days. Maybe something like not bringing your lunch to work for the next 40 days and eating fast food every day instead. If you work out take the next 40 days off. You get the point. Reverse Lent is much more fun and guess what, it’s still a sacrifice – You’re sacrificing your health and body. And that my fellow Catholics makes you more like Jesus than anything else ever could.

– Ballgame

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I Have A Snow Day Today…Here’s All The Best Things About Having A Snow Day

If you haven’t seen Snowday featuring a young, smokin’ Sloan, figure it out.

Due to the snow that isn’t even here yet I’m “working” from home. Ipso facto, best thing to ever happen. Nothing like getting a day off that doesn’t count as a day off. So obviously I’m sitting on my couch right now with the definitive list of best things ever about having a work snowday. Lets get to the list:

Not having to shower/get dressed
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(pretty much exactly how I look right now at 11:40 am)

I despise getting dressed in real clothes. Just want to get up from bed, put on sweatpants and sit on the couch. Pretty much everyone’s dream day right? I’ll take a shower at like 6 tonight and put on jeans before going out. Perfect day: sweatpants, bagels, TV and mini frozen pizzas from Prince Pizza on route 1. Can’t do any of that on a work day.

Watching The Price Is Right
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A staple of everyone’s weekday at home. Brings back memories of every time you were home sick from school and thoroughly entertaining. Plus you never get to watch it anymore so it’s always fresh. I hate Drew Carey though and I’m literally watching The Price Is Right as I type this. I hope he gets spade/neutered.

Watching Sports Radio
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Yes, I do mean watch sports radio, not listen to it. I’m a sports radio junkie and I love this shit. My usual schedule if I’m home during the week is Colin Cowherd from 10-1 on ESPNU, then SVP and Russillo on ESPNews for an hour at 1 and then Felgie and Mazz from 2-6 on Comcast Sports. If you live in New York you’re watching Francesa all afternoon. Now while watching 8 straight hours of guys sitting a desk talking my seem absurd to some people it’s a huge part of my snowday.

Jerking Off Mid-Day
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I know some people jerk off at work. I don’t. Just isn’t feasible. Obviously I’ve wanted to and now I can. While “working” at home I just minimize that work email window, maximize that pornhub window and boom! Jerking while working. A simple snowday pleasure. Which kind of leads to this next thing…

Taking Dumps In Your Own Bathroom
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This may actually be the best thing about having a snowday. I dread having to dump at work. First of all you gotta make it really quick so nobody actually realizes you’ve been gone long enough to dump. Then you have to use the handicapped stall. While using the handicapped stall you’re rolling the die of an actual cripple coming in. Then you have to stop everything you’re doing if some other guy comes in to pee because you don’t want him to hear you. If a guy comes into the stall next to you you have to make sure he can’t see your feet so they don’t know it’s you in there. Then you use shitty toilet paper. Then the 10,000 horse power flush gets water all over you. Then after that whole miserable experience you get to go back to your coworkers. At home I can do whatever I want, read a Golf Digest or old Playboy that have been on our bathroom floor forever and just go at my own pace. About a million times more relaxing situation.

Constant Mumbles Menino And His Sign Language Translator Updates
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Obviously this only applies to people that live in the Boston area but I’ve already seen him on TV like 7 times this morning and I laugh every time. “Shitty of Boshun gettin 2-3 inches”. Sign language lady going nuts next to him. Just a constant flow of mumbles being not real/being a stroke victim even though nobody will say he had a stroke.

Drinking Early
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I’ve already had multiple texts asking when everyone’s going to start drinking/go to the bar. A perfect excuse to get after it early or hunker down at a bar for when the heavy shit hits later. Needless to say I’m looking forward to this.

Of course the biggest thing of them all is that you don’t actually have to be in your cube with your coworkers. I value that more than the money my company pays me. Enjoy your snowday everyone. Let’s get drunk.

If you have any good ones leave it in the comment section. If I think it’s really good I’ll update the blog and give my hot take on it.

– Ballgame

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Ballgame’s Superbowl Props

Stu didn’t take last year’s Superbowl loss well. Granted, it did probably cost him 2 trillion units.

There’s one day of the year I play props, Superbowl Sunday. It’s the last day of football for months so you might as well get down as much action as you can. Plus it’s also the only game of the year that has such a wide array of ridiculous props available. All of the props below are real but not necessarily from the same book. To the prop plays!

Coin Toss: Tails -105

I only ever choose tails so why change now? I also only throw rock in rocks/paper/scissors. It’s not about winning in that case it’s about intimidation.

Will Mike Carey be wrong about a challenge? Yes +145

I’m not sure that tweet is actually accurate but at the same time it’s definitely accurate. And it’s + money?? No brainer.

How many times with Archie Manning be shown on TV? Over 1.5 (even)

Does anybody get more credit for doing less than Archie Manning? Seriously. He sucked in the NFL. So he has great sperm, big whoop. Now he’s just a media whore and the TV people love him. They’ll show him all game.

National Anthem: Over 2 minutes and 20 seconds +135

Lady Gaga’s a performer. She’s not up there to just sing the anthem, she’s up there to put on a show. Plus, we haven’t seen her in awhile now, she’s going big here. I also can’t resist getting + money on this.

What will be higher: Montreal Canadiens goals on Sunday or Greg Olsen receptions: Olsen -200

We’re all in agreement that Olsen’s going to catch at least one pass right? Well then there’s our win. The Canadiens are DONE. DEAD. OVER. I love that I’m going to get to bet against the Canadiens in the Superbowl. Don’t worry about laying -200 here, it’s a lock.

Will there be an earthquake during the game? Yes +1500

Now I know this seems absurd on the surface, but the boys over at Sports Insights did their research on this one:

According to the frighteningly up-to-the-minute Earthquake Track website, San Francisco has played host to no less than 583 earthquakes in the last year – 10 alone within the past 7 days! Taking a sudden trip to CNN.com I see that California has not yet slide into the ocean so I assume this frequency is commonplace if not expected by the natives. In fact I’d wager it’d be more upsetting if a day passed without the Earth heaving itself up for a spell.

I’ll roll the die on an earthquake at +1500.

Either team wins the game by exactly 3 points: YES +432

I’m really surprised you can get +432 on this. I know everyone thinks Carolina is gonna roll here but I think this is a 3 point game and have no idea which side will be the winner.

That is all for props!

For regular plays I have the Broncos +5.5 and a Broncos/Under teaser. Now lets all pray for a 20-17 Panthers win.

– Ballgame

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