So yesterday I had to go to another office that’s like an hour away from where I usually go. Obviously coming home from said office I was stuck in traffic and it took me about an hour and a half to get home. While I was stuck in traffic I had the realization that if I could ever kill somebody, like actually take another human’s life, it would be when I’m stuck in traffic trying to get home from work. Nothing gets me more enraged than that. So here’s the Levels of Anger list according to Ballgame:
(1 = not that angry, 10 = most angry)
1. A screwed up food delivery order – These people have one job – write down what you say to them. Not only that, but if they screw up you can’t do anything about it because the delivery guy has already driven his 94′ Civic three blocks away. Luckily ordering food online has made this problem largely obsolete.
2. Getting “Moose’d” on a bet – When you get completely screwed out of winning your bet. A bad beat. Ohio State/Northwestern, Duke/Cincy, The Michigan/Penn state first half under this past Saturday (three at the buzzer to go over). I think most people reading this know what I’m talking about.
3. Your favorite sports team losing – I initially thought this would be higher but the more I thought about it the more I realized I’m never really angry afterwards. When the Pats lost to the Broncos a couple weeks ago I was mad for sure, but it was a lot more sadness and disappointment. Maybe that’s just how I take defeat.
4. Stubbing your toe, banging your knee on the coffee table, cutting/biting your fingernail too low – I included these all as one because they all involved avoidable excruciating pain. I don’t want to hear any chicks tell me pregnancy is bad. Trying banging your knee on the coffee table and stubbing your toe when you stand up while having a fingernail too short. This is pain/anger/frustration/wanting to kill yourself all in one.
5. Shitty waitresses – Anybody who spends time in bars can sympathize with me here. As Belichick would say “Do. Your. Job.”. And that’s all I ask. Come by like every 15-20 mins. I chose a table because I don’t want to stand in a crowded bar and fight to be served. I didn’t chose a table to sit for 40 minutes with an empty Bud Light in front of me.
6. Going to work hungover – Basically every Monday, especially in the fall. All you want to do is sleep but you have to wake up and go walk through the gates of hell otherwise known as your office with a hangover. I’ve considered purposely getting in a car accident on the way to work before because that’s how bad I didn’t want to go there. I think that’s a good line of demarcation for cube monkeys – the day you consider purposely getting in a car accident to miss work is when corporate America has officially stolen your will to live.
7. Office Jargon/Asshole office sayings – Case of the Monday’s, it’s hump day!!!, ping, circle back, touch base, table that, synergy, PTO (Paid time off), CPA (Cell phone accessible), reach out, being “online”, taking things “offline”, best practices, out of pocket, rock star…and on and on and on. I HATE work jargon. Especially “ping” and “out of pocket”. If I hear somebody say ping and the context isn’t the golf company my blood boils. Same with out of pocket. Stupidest fucking phrase ever. I’m legit getting mad writing this.
8. Internet being out at your house – One of the most frustrating things in the world. And nobody ever has any idea why it goes out. It just happens out of nowhere. Then you gotta start unplugging things and plugging them back in and then it STILL doesn’t work. All I want is my internet to work. So fucking frustrating.
9. Catching your significant other cheating on you – This has never happened to me in real life so I’m basing this strictly off of tv and movies to give it a rating this high. That and people murdering people in real life when they find out their bf/gf is sleeping around. Personally, I’ve always been of the thought that I’d just be like “Welp, ok, C ya!” if I caught my gf banging some other dude. But then again, I’ve never experienced this. Also, why do people always want to fight the guy they catch with their gf? I mean it’s kinda like a credit where credit is due situation towards the guy I think. Murder your gf, not the random guy she banged.
10. Getting stuck in traffic on the way home from work – This is the top of the mountain. The “I will do something so irrational and unreasonable because that’s how much rage I have” level of anger. It inspired this list. The traffic is stopping you going from your hated place to your happy place. A literal wall to your happiness. If you ever read in the paper that I murdered somebody, you’ll now know where it happened and why.
If you have any other ones that should have been in the levels of anger put them in the comments.