One Of The Biggest Bull Semen Heists Of Our Generation Went Down In California Over The Weekend

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Grade A, Top Choice bull cum

FoxTURLOCK, Calif. — Officials say thieves in Turlock, Calif., stole several tanks filled with thousands of dollars worth of bull semen out of a truck Sunday night.

According to CBS13, the semen, which was selected because of its genetic value, was worth nearly $50,000.

“The genetics that these bulls have in them is out of the top 1 percent of the world population,” farm owner, John Azevedo, told CBS13.

The bulls’ semen is collected a few times a week and is then shipped all over the world to be used for impregnating cattle.

Most people probably don’t know this but slingin’ bull semen ain’t no joke. My guess is these guys are pros. You don’t just target a truck carrying the cum of the top 1 percent of bulls in the world without spending most of your time around bull jizz. This is the Dominic Toretto of the stealin’ semen world we’re dealing with here. Best of luck to the authorities, they’re going to need it.

Seeing a story like this can’t help but remind me of my favorite bull stud of all time, Toy Story (RIP). The term ‘legend’ gets thrown a lot nowadays. It’s kind of lost it’s luster. But Toystory was a true legend. The “heroes get remembered but legends never die” type of legend. He holds every record in the book. Meaner than a snake. The ultimate alpha male. Toy Story sired over 500,000 kids. He produced 2.4 million units of sperm over the course of his career. That’s gotta be like having 2,000 career home runs. Over 1,000 TD passes. Just absolutely unheard of numbers. And as far as I can tell he did it clean. He just had a libido that only Michael Jordan’s competitiveness could come close to matching. At this point it’s hard to believe that we haven’t all eaten a piece of one of Toystory’s kids. If just a tiny, tiny, tiny amount of Toystory has been passed on to me as a result than I’m a more confident man today than I’ve ever been before. Fortunately Toystory’s up in that big barn in the sky getting jerked off every day so his batter can’t be tainted by these thieves. I hope they find these cum barons, not for me or for you but for Toystory.

– Ballgame


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