(one-legged cheerleading hottie)
Recently at the bar my friend and I got into a conversation about banging a wheelchair bound girl. I don’t know how we ended up having that discussion but we ended up there. So that kind of got us (me) thinking. What are the disability deal breakers? Like what would stop you from being with the chick no matter what else she has going for her.
Here are the rules to make it more specific/harder:
1. She must have this disability before you meet her. It can’t be a situation where you were already dating and then something happened rendering her a handicapped.
2. This is “would you be in a relationship with this person”. Not just bang, then the answer would almost always be yes. But you call her your girlfriend, she calls you her boyfriend (if she can speak, which we’ll get to).
3. It’s assumed she’s a good looking girl and if she didn’t have said disability there’s no doubt you would date her.
On to the disabilities!
Missing 1 arm or 1 leg: Doable. In college there was a girl with one arm that wasn’t bad looking at all. Girl got after it at bars and parties too. The arm thing didn’t really bother me. In fact, I’d like to marry the girl from Soul Surfer. For an example of 1 leg just see the above pictures. People only missing 1 limb function like normal humans so I’d date them.
Missing both arms: Deal Breaker. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. I can’t do it. I would be too uncomfortable all the time. Also, having sex with someone with no arms would make me feel like I’m raping them and while that may be something I’ve seen people on Craigslist looking for, it’s not for me.
Missing Both Legs: Doable. Unlike the missing both arms this is ok. I’m picturing some hottie with those Oscar Pistorious legs. I can get by with that. Might take some getting used to but it’s not right in your face all the time like no arms.
Wheelchair bound: Deal Breaker. I would bang somebody wheelchair bound, I couldn’t date them. I’m sorry, I’m selfish. Maybe I’m wrong here but it seems like you would be more of their care taker than boyfriend. Also sex with a wheelchair bound person seems…unconventional.
Deaf: Doable. I wouldn’t have any problem dating a deaf chick. I took sign language in college and actually enjoyed it. You can also literally talk behind her back and of course employ her as your lip reader at parties and bars.
Blind: Deal Breaker. The guilt alone of dating a hot blind girl would do me in. I need my girls to be superficial, self-conscious and insecure. A blind girl could never be those things. They actually only care about what’s on the inside…and maybe how your face feels. Couldn’t do it.
Mute: Deal Breaker. Do mute people exist now? I feel like all the mutes lived like a couple hundred years ago. Anyways, contrary to popular belief I want a chick that can talk. It’s completely impossible figuring out what girls want when they can speak, never mind trying to read a mute.
Midget: Deal Breaker. I like short girls, but not midgets. I’d probably bang a midget, I mean shit happens. But I couldn’t date one. Too weird for me. I think midgets should stay with midgets. It just makes sense.
Obese: Deal Breaker. Obviously. And this isn’t a disability at all but the obese claim it is. Just stop fucking eating.
If I left anything out, which I’m sure I did, leave it with your thoughts in the comment section. Happy dating to everyone no matter what disability you have!