Sad News: Strip Clubs In Canada Are Closing Due To Lack Of Demand

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Super Sexe has a Five Guys next to it now? How bout that for one stop shopping.

CBCStrip clubs, with flashy signs advertising nude dancers, once had a strong footing in downtown centres across Canada.

But as Cheetah’s Show Lounge in Kelowna, B.C. closes its doors, an adult industry insider says strip clubs are an endangered species being killed off by lack of demand.

“The market demand for adult entertainment clubs is a male around a certain age,” Tim Lambrinos, director of the Adult Entertainment Association of Canada, told Daybreak South’s Chris Walker.

“It seems that young Canadian males are more distracted with other types of interests — Game Boys, plugging in things and so on and it’s almost as if the young women are the ones bringing them out to the clubs now.”

Cheetah’s closure leaves only one strip club in the city of more than 100,000 residents. According to the association, that trend is the same in other big cities — Toronto had 63 strip clubs a decade ago, now it only has 14.

Considering I don’t live in Canada I’ve spent in inordinate amount of time in the strip clubs of the great white north. What a sad day for society in general when the local strip club can’t even stay open anymore. No wonder why the economy’s in the shitter. In reality this probably has to do with accessibility of porn. The kids these day can see outrageous shit within 30 seconds on their iphone. No need to go to the local club, pay a cover and then another 20 loonies on a lap dance. The strip club clientele is quite literally dying out. As old dudes die, the strip clubs die with them. That is, unless we as a generation step up and save them. Which is where Ballgame’s Five Point Plan to save the strip club industry comes into play:

Point 1: Food. Some places do offer food (the pizza at The Cab on route 1 is delicious). But you need to make the strip club a pregame option. A place where a group of guys could go for dinner and some beers before actually going out to their final destination for the night. You can call it apps and ass or tapas and tits. Pizza and pussy. You get the deal.

Point 2: Age limits. But Ballgame didn’t you just say that old guys are the life blood of the industry? Yes I did and guess what? That industry is dying because of it. You can have some strip clubs that are open to all ages but what if you opened a place that was 35 and under? Wouldn’t that be much more appealing to guys and girls? Then it could be more like a regular bar experience that just happens to have a stage, pool and little booths for lap dances.

Point 3: Soliciting for lap dances is illegal. Strippers aren’t going to like this one but I’m pretty sure team USA hated Herb Brooks at first too and we all know how that worked out. I don’t mind telling a stripper off but I imagine some guys hate when they get badgered and then end up feeling like they have to get a dance just to get her to go away. Strip clubs need to become pressure free zones.

Point 4: Eliminate fees for the girls to strip there. Everyone see what I’m doing here? Take away the lappy solicitations but win the girls right back by telling them they don’t have to pay the club anything. In this scenario every girl will want to work at my place and then I’ll have the pick of the litter for the best girls to ‘hire’ (allow to get naked in my place of business). Hotter chicks = more people = more money.

Point 5: OTB/Sportsbook/casino games. Sure this is a legal grey area at the moment but times they are a changing. So we put it all together now – you have decent food, it’s all young people, you have the hottest strippers in the land dancing AND now you can place a bet or roll the die on the craps table all in one place! It’s the ultimate experience. It’s kind of like a cooler/more adult version of the Foot Clan hang out spot:

And just like that Teddy “Taffer” Ballgame saved the strip club industry.

– Ballgame

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