I Need To Party At The New LGBTTQQFAGPBDSM House At Wesleyan

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NationalReview Wesleyan University in Connecticut is now offering “LGBTTQQFAGPBDSM” housing, because apparently “LGBT” — or even “LGBTTQQ” — wouldn’t have been inclusive enough.

For the culturally ignorant among us, “LGBTTQQFAGPBDSM” stands for “lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, transsexual, queer, questioning, flexual, asexual, genderf**k, polyamorous, bondage/discipline, dominance/submission, sadism/masochism.”

The name of this super-inclusive, social-justice-hero of a dorm is “Open House,” and it is meant to be a “safe space” for self-identified LGBTTQQFAGPBDSM students, according to the university’s official website.

We can all agree that Wesleyan creating this house is a little over the top and ridiculous. But can you imagine a house party at the LGBTTQQFAGPBDSM house??? OUTRAGEOUS. Open one door and you got a couple that think they’re Christian Grey and Anastasia Steele. Open another door and you have a couple chicks going at it. Open a third door and you have all the gay dudes rolling on molly going nuts to some EDM. Open a fourth door and there’s a group of genderfucks. What’s a genderfuck? Nobody knows! But grab another beer cause’ we’re raging at the LGBTTQQFAGPBDSM house tonight boys!!!!

I’m not joking, I need to go to a party here. It’d be the most intimidating thing ever but I can guarantee it’d be a fun time. And if I have a few too many Busch Lights and end up testing the bondage waters with a cute Wesleyn co-ed than that’s great. Just another night at the LGBTTQQFAGPBDSM house.

– Ballgame


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