If you haven’t seen Snowday featuring a young, smokin’ Sloan, figure it out.
Due to the snow that isn’t even here yet I’m “working” from home. Ipso facto, best thing to ever happen. Nothing like getting a day off that doesn’t count as a day off. So obviously I’m sitting on my couch right now with the definitive list of best things ever about having a work snowday. Lets get to the list:
Not having to shower/get dressed
(pretty much exactly how I look right now at 11:40 am)
I despise getting dressed in real clothes. Just want to get up from bed, put on sweatpants and sit on the couch. Pretty much everyone’s dream day right? I’ll take a shower at like 6 tonight and put on jeans before going out. Perfect day: sweatpants, bagels, TV and mini frozen pizzas from Prince Pizza on route 1. Can’t do any of that on a work day.
Watching The Price Is Right
A staple of everyone’s weekday at home. Brings back memories of every time you were home sick from school and thoroughly entertaining. Plus you never get to watch it anymore so it’s always fresh. I hate Drew Carey though and I’m literally watching The Price Is Right as I type this. I hope he gets spade/neutered.
Watching Sports Radio
Yes, I do mean watch sports radio, not listen to it. I’m a sports radio junkie and I love this shit. My usual schedule if I’m home during the week is Colin Cowherd from 10-1 on ESPNU, then SVP and Russillo on ESPNews for an hour at 1 and then Felgie and Mazz from 2-6 on Comcast Sports. If you live in New York you’re watching Francesa all afternoon. Now while watching 8 straight hours of guys sitting a desk talking my seem absurd to some people it’s a huge part of my snowday.
Jerking Off Mid-Day
I know some people jerk off at work. I don’t. Just isn’t feasible. Obviously I’ve wanted to and now I can. While “working” at home I just minimize that work email window, maximize that pornhub window and boom! Jerking while working. A simple snowday pleasure. Which kind of leads to this next thing…
Taking Dumps In Your Own Bathroom
This may actually be the best thing about having a snowday. I dread having to dump at work. First of all you gotta make it really quick so nobody actually realizes you’ve been gone long enough to dump. Then you have to use the handicapped stall. While using the handicapped stall you’re rolling the die of an actual cripple coming in. Then you have to stop everything you’re doing if some other guy comes in to pee because you don’t want him to hear you. If a guy comes into the stall next to you you have to make sure he can’t see your feet so they don’t know it’s you in there. Then you use shitty toilet paper. Then the 10,000 horse power flush gets water all over you. Then after that whole miserable experience you get to go back to your coworkers. At home I can do whatever I want, read a Golf Digest or old Playboy that have been on our bathroom floor forever and just go at my own pace. About a million times more relaxing situation.
Constant Mumbles Menino And His Sign Language Translator Updates
Obviously this only applies to people that live in the Boston area but I’ve already seen him on TV like 7 times this morning and I laugh every time. “Shitty of Boshun gettin 2-3 inches”. Sign language lady going nuts next to him. Just a constant flow of mumbles being not real/being a stroke victim even though nobody will say he had a stroke.
I’ve already had multiple texts asking when everyone’s going to start drinking/go to the bar. A perfect excuse to get after it early or hunker down at a bar for when the heavy shit hits later. Needless to say I’m looking forward to this.
Of course the biggest thing of them all is that you don’t actually have to be in your cube with your coworkers. I value that more than the money my company pays me. Enjoy your snowday everyone. Let’s get drunk.
If you have any good ones leave it in the comment section. If I think it’s really good I’ll update the blog and give my hot take on it.